Stop Fetishizing Normal: An Interview
...with me! From the pages of WANT.
HI
A different kind of treat for you today (aside from this photo!): I’m sharing an interview I did with my brilliant friend, author, podcaster, and culture-shifter
on her Substack . (Don’t worry, zero amounts of toxic positivity involved.)Katie, dear reader, is a self-talk expert. Her book Want Your Self: Shift Your Self-Talk and Unearth the Strength in Who You Were All Along sits next to my bed, a constant reminder that the conversations I have, with myself, inside my own head, matter. A lot.
She asked me such amazing questions: What advice would I give my 4, 14, 24, and 34 year-old selves? When did I start to love myself? How negative self-talk shows up in my life? There’s so much below, I won’t delay any further—enjoy. I can’t wait to hear your thoughts.
TALKING SHIFT: 24 QUESTIONS WITH LILY DIAMOND
Name: Lily Diamond
How you’d know me (occupation or role): Writer, editor, rewilding enthusiast
What I love about myself (and why): That I prioritize depth and levity in equal measure. It’s potent! But fun!
What is your definition of “positivity?” Remembering that change is the only constant. If I hate what’s happening, ok, inevitably it will change. If I love what’s happening, ok, that’s gonna change, too.
When did you start to love yourself — did you have a self-love “turning point?” I have a strong sense of loving myself, feeling very close and comfy and happy in myself, as a young child. Then that becomes foggy as I enter my older childhood and teens and twenties.
Even my thirties feel full of a lot of self-rejection despite holding myself in great esteem and admiration. I could be pleased with myself and proud of myself, but not necessarily deeply loving of myself.
I’m 41 now, and I feel like I’m just beginning to understand, to live, an experience of radical—meaning, root-level—self-acceptance. Which is probably the beginning of enduring love.
How/where negative talk shows up in my life: Every day. Everywhere. Inside my brain. On social media. In the news. In advertisements that sell us shit to fix everything that’s wrong with the way we are.
Internally, it usually shows up as judgments about:
a) my chronic singledom (and associated shit-talking about my appearance, attractiveness, age, desirability, fuckability, body image, etc.) and
b) my professional identity (have I published enough? why does the algorithm hate me? why can’t I get through the second draft of my novel? will I ever be perceived and respected the way I hope to be?).
When I talk negatively about myself, it’s usually… NO FUN AT ALL!!
It baffles me that people… don’t talk more about how culty, un-fun, and punishing heteropatriarchy* is, and how much it dictates our self-talk and the way we feel about ourselves—especially hetero women (like me) who are groomed from the outset to contort ourselves to seek male approval.
*heteropatriarchy: a system in which straight men hold hegemonic power over people of other identities
I wish that more people… knew that what we think of as “normal”—and often strive to be—is a fantasy made up by a bunch of people who don’t know you, your heart, your mind, or your life at all. Write your own story. Stop fetishizing normalcy.
INTERVIEW CONTINUES ON WANT—click below
Click above to keep reading.
STAY SANE
Especially amidst the pre-holiday / New Year madness. Remember: It’s all made up anyway!
Love,
Lily
Yes, girl!! Great interview. This message is so important. Also I loved hearing your private negative self talk because I think of you as such an accomplished writer, it baffles me that you feel this way. I guess we just all feel this way on some level until we figure out how to stop believing our nastiest attacking thoughts. Love you.
oh lily....this totally resonated within me,
thank you,
with love,
anneli