Love this, Lily. I feel this intensely as well. Like we're either yelling or silent (or yelling silently) and it's pretty miserable. But it is nice to feel less alone in the matter. And a good reminder to have good conversations IRL. <3
Thank you for this, Lily. I am HARDCORE struggling with this every second of every day. I am a new mom, fresh off of a difficult pregnancy. I was deep into severe morning sickness during October 7th and haven't stopped to breathe since. I am a brown woman but have several family members by marriage (and many close, dear friends) who are Jewish and have strong ties to Israel. Speaking out as a mother to advocate for the Palestinian children and mothers and fathers somehow feels like a betrayal of my Jewish family. Speaking out as a brown woman to advocate for other brown people in the world feels like an arbitrary choice that could be ripped apart by anyone on the internet, yet in my gut it feels like the thing I need to do. Speaking out with affection towards my family and my friends feels like a betrayal of the aforementioned brown people and children, but I am still scared about anti-semitism and that they will feel that I turned on them. Not saying anything at all, my current tactic, is also generally met with criticism and derision, as if feeling secondhand guilt and panic and fear will somehow help the people who are losing their homes and babies and loved ones. Thinking about this for more than a minute makes me want to vomit. I have had no in-person conversations about it (largely because I have been parenting a newborn), so all of my distress is coming from imagined conversations exacerbated by social media (which for many months was my only form of social interaction). How can I possibly unpack the fact that feeling this constant thrum of nausea seems like the penance I have to pay for not discussing this with actual people? Why do I (we?) feel like if we don't have the actual conversations and arguments and marches and protests, then the least we can do is subject ourselves to the mental onslaught of imagined screaming? I want to free myself from all of this for my own sanity, and my own struggles as a mother and individual. Seeing you put words to it, as always, is so cathartic. Thank you for everything that you do, and for somehow feeling like a friend I can actually have a conversation with.
I am so, so moved by your sharing here — thank you for trusting this space to explore these many complexities. I can’t speak for your family, or anyone but me, but your holding these many simultaneous truths is ultimately affirming of my humanity. I know there are many other Jewish people who feel this way, who know that honoring and fighting for the humanity of Palestinians (and Israelis, and ALL OF US) is a non-negotiable as we move forward. I’m wishing space for you to hold it all, and maybe someday to share it with some of those people close to you.
This is potent Lily. Civil discourse and critical thinking appear to have left the room on some social media platforms. Watching old presidential debates is fascinating! Much more humor and good spiritedness. Hugs.
I appreciate the line of questioning so much: what are we doing on social and what are we doing IRL? You KNOW I am here for deep convos with you. (Ideally on VI.) And thank you for the Memoiring shout out! Next week we discuss The Outrun (book and movie) if you can join us on Zoom?
Love this recs as always. excited to read My Autobiography of Carson McCullers
Excited to hear how you like it when you do!
Love this, Lily. I feel this intensely as well. Like we're either yelling or silent (or yelling silently) and it's pretty miserable. But it is nice to feel less alone in the matter. And a good reminder to have good conversations IRL. <3
The silent yelling was exactly what made me think of “The Scream”!! 😱❤️❤️❤️❤️
Yes totally 😱
Thank you for this, Lily. I am HARDCORE struggling with this every second of every day. I am a new mom, fresh off of a difficult pregnancy. I was deep into severe morning sickness during October 7th and haven't stopped to breathe since. I am a brown woman but have several family members by marriage (and many close, dear friends) who are Jewish and have strong ties to Israel. Speaking out as a mother to advocate for the Palestinian children and mothers and fathers somehow feels like a betrayal of my Jewish family. Speaking out as a brown woman to advocate for other brown people in the world feels like an arbitrary choice that could be ripped apart by anyone on the internet, yet in my gut it feels like the thing I need to do. Speaking out with affection towards my family and my friends feels like a betrayal of the aforementioned brown people and children, but I am still scared about anti-semitism and that they will feel that I turned on them. Not saying anything at all, my current tactic, is also generally met with criticism and derision, as if feeling secondhand guilt and panic and fear will somehow help the people who are losing their homes and babies and loved ones. Thinking about this for more than a minute makes me want to vomit. I have had no in-person conversations about it (largely because I have been parenting a newborn), so all of my distress is coming from imagined conversations exacerbated by social media (which for many months was my only form of social interaction). How can I possibly unpack the fact that feeling this constant thrum of nausea seems like the penance I have to pay for not discussing this with actual people? Why do I (we?) feel like if we don't have the actual conversations and arguments and marches and protests, then the least we can do is subject ourselves to the mental onslaught of imagined screaming? I want to free myself from all of this for my own sanity, and my own struggles as a mother and individual. Seeing you put words to it, as always, is so cathartic. Thank you for everything that you do, and for somehow feeling like a friend I can actually have a conversation with.
I am so, so moved by your sharing here — thank you for trusting this space to explore these many complexities. I can’t speak for your family, or anyone but me, but your holding these many simultaneous truths is ultimately affirming of my humanity. I know there are many other Jewish people who feel this way, who know that honoring and fighting for the humanity of Palestinians (and Israelis, and ALL OF US) is a non-negotiable as we move forward. I’m wishing space for you to hold it all, and maybe someday to share it with some of those people close to you.
This is potent Lily. Civil discourse and critical thinking appear to have left the room on some social media platforms. Watching old presidential debates is fascinating! Much more humor and good spiritedness. Hugs.
I appreciate the line of questioning so much: what are we doing on social and what are we doing IRL? You KNOW I am here for deep convos with you. (Ideally on VI.) And thank you for the Memoiring shout out! Next week we discuss The Outrun (book and movie) if you can join us on Zoom?
IDEALLY ON VI!!! Always. I’m hoping some folks from this community mosey on over to Memoiring, too :)